"What do you want to be when you grow up?" It is a question that we are battered with from the time we are toddlers through our high-school and possibly college years. We spend most of our lives in school preparing for a job that we think we want. Finally with a degree in hand and a better understanding of ourselves, we embark on a new stage in our lives only to be faced with a new question: "Who do you want to be?" We discover this next stage in life lacks the structure and guidance we have learned to expect through childhood and adolescence. A popular cliché is that "change is hard" and sometimes we forget that even good change is difficult to adjust to as well!
New challenges, experiences and expectations are thrown at those entering the "real world" and the comfort from set guidelines (letter grades, curfew, etc.) are no where in sight. As parents, peers, teachers and coaches become less of an influence for us, we look to rely on new guides to continue the formation of our self-identity. Beginning a new life stage with different people, places and situations provides the opportunity to modify the reputation and view of ourselves from adolescence and early adulthood. The stress of a new job, new colleagues, a new living environment and potentially the desire to find a spouse can be extremely anxiety provoking. This anxiety can become detrimental both mentally and physically and actually make it more difficult to continue building a strong sense of self. Who you want to be as an adult can be an overwhelming question! In fact, this stage of life can be so tumultuous that the phrase "Quarter-Life Crises" was created by Abby Wilner in 1997 and defined as "essentially a period of anxiety, uncertainty and inner turmoil that often accompanies the transition to adulthood."
Navigating this new stage of life is filled with challenges including: the introduction of financial responsibility, the influence of media and society, additional job expectations, changes in friends and living environments, and potentially searching for a partner while coping with the dissolution of one's adolescence. Self-help books and websites abound with ways to help individuals through the transition. It can also help to speak with someone outside one's personal setting in a safe and compassionate environment to discuss the challenges faced and evolution of you in the "real world."
Sara Klusas MSW, LSW
