“How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.” This is the first article in a series entitled “Love is….” All of the articles are written in an effort to explore a variety of definitions and meanings of love. Each article will examine another facet of love; and how we can learn to give and receive this wonderful gift.
We live in a busy world where we are bombarded by so much stimulation that each moment becomes a challenge to attempt to take in all the information being tossed our way. Most of us are operating at warp speed as a matter of routine. In other words, our fast-paced lifestyle is in charge and taking us along for the ride. The old joke about “we are making great time, even though we have no idea where we are going”, is often demonstrated in today’s busy world.
Where do we find solace and relief from this? Hopefully, we find this comfort in our relationships with those who love us and care about our well-being. One important facet of loving someone else includes being patient and kind to them. A loving relationship provides a safe haven from the busy, judgmental climate of today’s world. Being in a loving environment enables us to feel valued, respected, and confident. Being loved helps us to face this busy world with a strength that comes from feeling protected and safe.
Have you experienced the comfort of patience and kindness extended to you by a loved-one? Do you offer patience and kindness to someone you love? If not, ask yourself “why” and determine if you believe you are capable of giving and receiving these qualities of love. Given our fast pace, it is not uncommon to communicate urgently and carelessly, and to speak in a “clipped” or impatient manner. As well-meaning as we might be, underneath it all, such a hurried and “impatient” style does not foster a safe and patient atmosphere where we can love and be loved most effectively.
It is your responsibility to yourself and to those whom you love to guide and lead your own heart. Patience is built on a foundation of self-assurance and positive self-esteem. It requires you to embrace your own strengths and find comfort and tolerance within yourself.
The ability to accept your own limits and weaknesses, and to be patient with yourself when you make mistakes, transcends into demonstrating this same tolerance with others. To learn how to cultivate patience and kindness requires a good self-concept and positive self-esteem. If you truly accept yourself (with all your human flaws); you will be better able to offer a safe environment for others.
Engaging in a positive therapeutic relationship is an excellent way to increase your self-esteem and to build self-confidence. A good therapist will extend a patient, listening ear to you. He or she will provide a safe haven to foster self-examination without fear of being criticized or negatively evaluated. In such a safe setting, you will be able to practice patience and kindness toward yourself, and learn to extend these attributes to those you love.
Laura R. Meers, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychologist
