A recent study reported in the January 2009 issue of Pediatrics (Vol.123, No.1) found that lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) adults who reported high levels of parental rejection in their teens were 8.4 times more likely to report having attempted suicide, 5.9 times more likely to report high levels of depression, 3.4 times more likely to use illegal drugs, and 3.4 times more likely to have unprotected sex than LGBT peers who reported no or low levels of family rejection.

Previous thinking about the higher rate of mental health issues with the LGBT population attributed these dysfunctions to social rejections suffered by these individuals in their youth. Although this may account for some of the difficulties, it is of no surprise to psychologists and family therapists that current research demonstrates the powerful role that family dynamics play in the development of an individual.

Like so many topics that we hear about in the media, and concern ourselves with on an academic or intellectual level, homosexuality, is but one example that many parents might not consider on a personal level. Consequently, this “distance” from the topic may prevent us from clearly defining our attitudes and beliefs concerning homosexuality as it relates to our children. Parents of a gay or lesbian adolescent are definitely involved, knowingly or unknowingly, with this issue. A policy of “don’t ask and don’t tell” could be perceived by the child as a rejection and/or lack of concern for the child, which could have serious ramifications. Therefore, it is important for parents to be prepared to address this issue in an emotionally-safe and supportive parent-child relationship. 

The questions below are examples of questions that parents might consider as they organize their own thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and values about homosexuality and the implications for their child. 

• What are my thoughts and feelings, in general, about people who are gay or lesbian?
• Do I have any friends or family members who are gay? How do I relate to them?
• Have I encouraged my child to be non-judgmental and accepting of others who might be gay?
• What role model have I provided in my words and actions regarding homosexuality?
• Have I created and maintained a mutually-respectful and emotionally-safe relationship with my child that allows him/her to explore their own thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and values . . . and confusions about this highly-sensitive topic regarding their own sexuality?
• If my child is exploring his/her sexual orientation, do I know how to approach them for a discussion and how/what to share about my own beliefs?
• What do I want to accomplish?

If you are the parent of a young child or adolescent, now may be the time to assess your own views and opinions around the issue of your child’s sexual orientation and life-style choices. As illustrated clearly by the results of the study reported above, it is critical to the healthy development of any adolescent who is facing this issue that his/her parents respond effectively and supportively. This statement does not necessarily mean that the parent must support homosexuality, per se. However, it is crucial that the parent and child reach a level of communication and understanding that does not result in the toxic parental rejection that is so detrimental to the child. 

Professional discussions or guidance provided by a family psychologist could be very helpful before tackling these complicated issues. Please feel free to contact the psychologists at Meers, Inc. Consulting Psychologists for assistance.

D. Jerome Meers, Ph.D. & Laura R. Meers, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychologists