Mindfulness: Are You Creating Doubt?

The primary purpose of this article is to discuss a thought and communication pattern that is highly-destructive and significantly detrimental to personal happiness and personal performance.  It is simple, common-place, hardly-noticeable and very toxic!  The phenomenon is that of "Creating Doubt" in self and others.

First, let me say that creating doubt in self or others is very easily accomplished and it can be done intentionally or unintentionally, blatantly or surreptitiously, and in nearly every case, it is detrimental to the individual’s emotional health, decision-making abilities, and general performance level.  Some examples are as follows.

Example one:  For a long time you have thought about the type of car that you want.  Perhaps you have dreamed of owning this car and have saved money for the purchase, and made other plans for acquiring this new "dream toy".  You mention to your dear friend that you intend to buy a black sports car made by xyz automotive company.  You express your excitement and hope for support from your friend.  Your (hopefully) well-meaning friend then responds by reminding you that black cars look good in the showroom and when they are spotlessly clean, but that they look terrible when they are dirty.  They ask if you really want to spend that much time and money washing a black car or driving an ugly car.  They also remind you that parking lot "dings" show up terribly and make your car look bad.  They remind you that black cars get very hot in the summer months.  They remind you that the car is wonderful, but sports cars are not really practical and your insurance rates will go up.  Even if your "friend" is correct, and doubt can be created whether or not he/she is correct, this process is hurtful and detrimental to you and it is destructive to your plan.  If you have been provided new information, and if you value this information, then the interchange can be helpful to you.  However, in either case, your friend has created doubt. 

Perhaps you reply that you have considered all of the information mentioned by your friend and that you had decided to proceed with your purchase for other reasons anyway.  Imagine that your friend says, "Ok, I guess it is a good idea then.  Congratulations!"   How do you feel now?  Your friend has created doubt.  Has this been helpful to you emotionally or in the execution of your plan?

Example Two:  A teenage girl has selected and purchased clothes (e.g., an outfit) for a social engagement that is important to her.  She gets dressed and appears in the family room for mother (or father) to see her before she leaves for the evening.  Perhaps the mother says, "I hope that color is right for your skin.  I know that is not your favorite hair style, but I really like it.  I think your purse probably matches your shoes closely enough.  You look great!  Have fun tonight!"  CREATING DOUBT!

The examples that might be added here are endless.  The examples above, not life-changing issues, merely illustrate how doubt can be created readily by our comments to others.  In comparison to how easily and readily doubt was created, imagine how much time and effort would be needed to convince the friend to proceed confidently with the purchase of the black sports car,  following your remarks.  How hard would it be for the teenager to feel confident about her outfit and her appearance, even if she tried to find a way to dismiss her mother’s comments?  It is significantly easier to create doubt (and damage) than it is to create confidence and satisfaction.

It is not hard to imagine examples of how an individual can create these same types of dilemmas for themselves with their own self-talk.  It is easy to develop a pattern for this highly destructive communication pattern for ourselves and others.  Psychological research has found that this pattern is not found (frequently) among the highest performing athletes and others who are deemed high performers in life.  Check yourself.  Do you do this?  Do you know how to change it?  Have I created doubt?

D. Jerome Meers, Ph.D.

Consulting Psychologist