IS A MID-LIFE CRISIS NECESSARY?

Question: Does every man encounter a period during mid-life when he questions his identity, his value, this virility, and then becomes interested in younger women, a career change, and a red sports car?

Answer: Definitely not … some men choose black sports cars! (THIS IS A JOKE, BUT MAY BE TOO CLOSE TO HOME).

It is an observed fact that most of us (men and women) encounter a phase during the middle years of our lives where we take a "Mid-life Inventory". Whether we attempt to explain it from an evolutionist perspective or from a creationist perspective, it seems that we were designed to experience this phenomenon and that this process is meant to be a very desirable, adaptable, and even enjoyable process!

What most of us experience is a questioning process. We wonder about our meaning. We wonder about lofty issues such as, Who is God? What happens after death? When will I die? We wonder about personal issues such as, Am I attractive? Am I virile/fertile/sexually appealing? We wonder about our families with questions such as:

Does my spouse/partner really love me? Do my children/family members really love me for who I am or for what I can do for them? We wonder if we are really doing our true life’s work or if we are merely postponing life "Until our ship comes in" or "Until I hit the lottery" or "Until I get a clear divine message"?

These questions are normal. These questions are (or can be) very helpful in taking stock of our lives and in readjusting our thoughts and actions so that our lives may be more productive, satisfying, and meaningful. In most other activities of our lives we need renewals, updates, and readjustments. Why not with ourselves … The Big Picture"?

Some people suspect that such questioning is abnormal because they have never contemplated such things since adolescence (if ever). They suspect that the process is bad because the questioning can lead to "temptations" and impulses and changes in categories that they have never consciously addressed before. They often state, "This must be a bad thing that is happening to me because I now question things that I used to value a great deal … I’ve never even thought seriously about some of these things … I thought that there would always be some time later in my life that I might think about all of this …Why now?"

This phenomenon can and will likely lead to some degree of mid-life crisis is these issues are not addressed properly … and straightforwardly! Very often individuals will seek counseling and consultation AFTER they have implemented changes. They have quit their jobs or have had an extramarital affair … or developed a drinking or substance-abuse problem … or made extravagant or unwise purchases without understanding that this is an opportunity for a Midlife Inventory. Without an awareness of this phenomenon,without strategic planning, and without the courage and integrity to be honest with ourselves and with those that we love, we are "sitting blindfolded at the control panel and twisting knobs and complaining that we are not happy and that the horizon is approaching fast!"

When the process is understood and when we have the courage to face it directly, we can make adjustments and changes that can lead to a very rewarding life. These changes can lead us toward new goals and exciting new experiences. We can also decide to leave many things in place! Is a mid-life crisis necessary?

D. Jerome Meers, Ph.D.

Consulting Psychologist