Do you know how to have great sex? Many couples aren't sure what is okay to do in their sexual relationship. They want to please one another, but don't quite know how. Couples ask,"Can I tell him what I like? Should I ask her to have sex or wait until she gives me a sign? How do I let him know that this behavior is a 'turn-off'? What is a G spot? Is oral sex okay? Can we have sex during her period? Should we shower before sex? Should I share my fantasies with her?" The questions are endless (as they should be with such an important topic).

There are very few safe places in which a healthy, modest couple can discuss the intimate details of their sex life without feeling embarrassed. Thankfully, books, magazines, radio programs, television, and various websites on the Internet, have all sought to educate people about sex. However, many couples still remain somewhat unaware of all the possibilities available to them to enhance and strengthen their sexual connection.

A good use of couples counseling is to dispel the sexual myths and desensitize couples so they can discuss intimate sexual preferences and concerns with candor and openness. Sex is a wonderful, healthy activity in a relationship. Good sex keeps couples physically, mentally, emotionally, and psychologically sharp and toned. The ability to engage in sexual activities that are fun and exciting to both parties helps the couple to prioritize and look forward to their sexual interactions. If one of the partners is feeling a sense of dread or boredom in regard to the experience, it certainly will not happen much, and may be a source of conflict when it does happen.

Learning how to have great sex together gives a couple a common bond. In the safety and privacy of the therapist office, a couple can explore their questions, goals, inhibitions, and possible fears about their sexual relationship. The therapist can help by conducting an open dialogue regarding strategies, techniques, and preferences. In this environment, couples feel freer to ask the "embarrassing" questions that often are on their minds, but go unanswered.

When sex is viewed as healthy and fun, couples are more eager to share this experience and to keep it integral in their lives. Also informed couples have a much greater opportunity to create real intimacy. When couples make themselves mutually vulnerable, and share their deepest concerns, fantasies, fears, etc., they grow closer and their sexual intimacy is richer and more loving.

Laura R. Meers, Ph.D.
Consulting Psychologist