Self-Esteem: The Essence of Healthy Living

Positive self-esteem is essential to a healthy, normal life.  If we lack positive self-esteem, we will have difficulty managing life’s challenges.  In fact, everyday problems in living may seem overwhelming.  When self-esteem is low the negatives in life seem to take control.  We work harder to avoid pain than we do to create pleasure in our lives.

People with high self-esteem seem to possess the following characteristics (as identified by Nathaniel Branden, Ph.D.):

• Goal-oriented:  They establish short and long-term goals and do what’s necessary to attain their goals.

• Good Communicators:  They are open and honest and strive for clarity in their communication.  They want to be understood and they believe what they have to say is valuable.

• Loving:  They are nurturing and caring and not afraid to reach out to others.  They are attractive to people.

• Ambitious and courageous:  People with good self-esteem have a strong drive and enthusiasm to live life to its fullest – emotionally, spiritually, romantically, intellectually and creatively.

People with high self-esteem follow these practices in living:

• Live life with conscious awareness:  They are aware of their impact on the world as well as how their environments affect them.

• Are self-responsible:  They recognize and are in charge of their own choices and actions.  They create and maintain their own self-esteem.

• Are self-accepting:  They have compassion, caring and love toward themselves.  They refuse to reject themselves.

• Live purposefully:  They identify and do what is necessary to achieve their goals.

• Have integrity:  They keep promises and honor commitments.  They have principles of behavior that they put into practice.

The key to a good relationship is for both participants to have good self-esteem.  Most failed, romantic relationships may be attributed to lack of self-esteem by one or both partners.  One must feel and believe him or herself to be lovable in order to fully love another. 

As anyone knows who has worked to gain love and approval from others, this temporary accomplishment cannot replace a sense of self-fulfillment.  Material wealth, sexual conquests, plastic surgery, marriage, education, parenthood and social popularity may all help create temporary comfort.  However, nothing outside oneself can create positive self-esteem.  Positive self-esteem, or how we think and feel about ourselves, independent of anyone or anything else, is the essence of healthy living.

Laura R. Meers, Ph.D.

Consulting Psychologist