Cohabitation: Realities and Recommendations

In 1965 ten per cent of couples lived together before marrying. In 1998 over fifty per cent of couples lived together before marrying. Studies indicate that couples that cohabit are less likely to get married and less likely to stay married if they do get married. In a study conducted by Catherine Cohan, PhD, assistant professor of human development and family studies, Penn State University, divorce was found to be more common among couples that lived together before marriage than among those who did not.

Over fifty per cent of children born in 1998 were conceived out of wedlock. About thirty per cent of children are born to single mothers. Increased cohabitation seems to be leading to more children being born out of wedlock.

People who cohabit may believe that sex, romance, and convenience are possible without responsibility and commitment. They are not aware that most couple, married or not, suffer a decline in satisfaction over the first years of living together. All beginnings are wonderful. We start on top of a romantic-erotic hill and universally slide down the hill into a power struggle. As the romantic-erotic haze lifts, we become aware of the differences between us and struggle with the issue of " which way do we do it-his or hers?" Without commitment and a realistic understanding of the need to work through the issues that naturally arise in the course of living together, couples are more likely to give up on the relationship in the midst of the power struggle.

Recommendations

1. If you are serious about marriage it is probably best not to live together before marriage.
2. If you are going to live together before marriage it would be wise to have a clear understanding of where the relationship is going. If you or the person you are living with are hesitant to discuss the future or the relationship that is definitely a warning sign. Better to leave a relationship in the beginning that to live together with some vague plan for a future that probably won’t materialize.
3. Married people are healthier, wealthier, and even participate in more sexual activity. Marriage is clearly a good institution for people. It is essential for children. Without the stability of a committed relationship, children are put at risk.

Jeff D. Sherrill, Ph.D.

Consulting Psychologist