When Your Boyfriend is a Married Man

In a perfect world, women and men would be single when they dated; and once married, would be exclusive with their spouse. However, the world is not perfect and many women find themselves involved with a married man.

It is particularly disconcerting, or comforting, depending if you are the wife or the "other woman", that only five percent of married men actually leave their spouses for the girlfriend. So, what’s a girl to do?

The obvious answer is "Don’t date a married man!" However, if the solution were that simple the countless, articles, books, newspaper articles, television programs, web sites, movies, etc., etc., dedicated to this issue would be unnecessary.

If you do find yourself in this situation, here are a few points to ponder:

1. Are you truly getting what you want for yourself now?

2. Is your behavior creating undue hardship for anyone else?

3. If nothing changes, are you satisfied with the current status of the relationship?

4. What plans have you two made for the next two to five years?

5. Do you and your boyfriend have the same goals?

6. Do you two share similar strategies for meeting your goals?

7. Are you helping your lover to "keep YOU a secret"?

8. Do you ever go out on a "normal" date with him?

9. Do you ever spend any holidays together?

10. Do you know anyone else in his life?


The list of soul-searching questions is endless. This is just a beginning. The main point is to THINK about what you are doing and why you are doing it. And remember, if he really wants a relationship with you, he will make it happen. So, if you just keep waiting and waiting for him to leave his wife--------DON’T!

Laura R. Meers, Ph.D.

Consulting Psychologists