Avoiding Problem Childhood Behaviors

As young children develop their ability to self-regulate, one of the challenges that parents frequently confront is the child’s display of temper tantrums.  The lore of the “terrible twos” is widely known although the tantrums can sometimes continue past the ages of two and three.

Tantrums can have several functions.  In young children with emerging language, tantrums may be a form of communication, especially when young children have more limited use of language.  Tantrums receive attention and are sometimes an easier means of communication for the child than talking.  Children can be trained to “use their words” to express their frustration.

As children grow older they may become more difficult to control.  Parents often have difficulty managing these problem behaviors, especially if they are frequent, intense or occur in public places.  Fortunately, children’s actions are most often transparent in their cause and are not usually shrouded in deceit or as complex as adult behavior.  Children most often exhibit tantrums because they desire a particular item or activity, as an attempt to avoid a task, when transitioning to another activity or when seeking attention. However, reducing tantrums can be difficult and requires a systematic, consistent and persistent approach.  Behaviors often take time to modify and a “quick fix” is usually not available.  Tantrums do not usually emerge overnight and similarly do not quickly go away.  Children who have a clinical condition such as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder or other disruptive behaviors often display frequent tantrums and may require more involved interventions before significant change is noted.

Understanding the nature of a child’s behavior is necessary to develop a strategy to reduce the problem.  Important factors that are critical in reducing tantrums are knowing when the tantrums occur and the consequences that immediately follow the tantrums. Behaviors are most frequently repeated if they are reinforced.  For example, if a parent tells their child to “turn off the television” but the request is met with a tantrum and the child continues to watch television, the tantrum is more likely to recur in the future. Generalization, or expanding the use of tantrums, often compounds these problems to other areas.

To strengthen appropriate behaviors and to avoid problems, try the following:

• Help your child find activities they enjoy.  If children are participating in constructive or appropriate activities, they have less time to misbehave.

• Schedule time to play or interact with your child on a daily basis.  This will help with reducing their need to obtain attention through exhibiting inappropriate behavior.

• Notice when your child is playing or engaging in an assigned chore and praise them.  Tell them you like the way they are playing or working on a task.

• Assist young children with expressing their anger or frustration by using words rather than actions.

Timothy Rheinscheld, Ph.D.

Consulting Psychologist