Low Libido

Low libido is one of the most difficult and challenging sexual dysfunctions. It is particularly difficult because the person with low libido is usually not highly motivated to participate in sex therapy. Most often, this person comes to therapy because of the dissatisfaction experienced by his or her partner. Of course, as is true with any disorder, there are a variety of reasons for low libido, some of which are not psychological.

Usually a person who seeks counseling has been the route of medical intervention. Most physicians who treat this condition will check hormone levels, illnesses, medications, and physical pain symptoms. After medical factors are ruled out, the physician will most likely refer their patient to a psychologist to explore other possible causes. If you are told you have low libido and decide to consult an expert, you might want to consider the following questions. First, who told you your libido is low? Do you agree? Do you ever think about sex?

Most people with low libido only think about sex when their partner mentions it. Often, thoughts of sex are accompanied by guilt and sometimes shame. Obviously, this scenario makes thoughts of sex undesirable and punishing rather than fun.

It’s possible that you have “selective” low libido. This means you definitely are interested in sex—just not with your partner. In this case, the issues present themselves quite differently in therapy. In fact, some people may avoid therapy because they don’t wish to admit that they are not sexually attracted to their partner.

The second question to consider is your experience and beliefs about sex throughout your lifetime? This involves exploring how sex was presented to you as a child; including family attitudes about sex, past relationships that did or did not include sexual interactions, your own attitudes and beliefs about the role of sex in your life, and any history of sexual abuse or deviancy. Is there pain (physical or mental) associated with sexual intercourse?

Third, what is your knowledge base regarding sex? Have you ever had an orgasm? What types of additional sexual materials have you utilized? Is there any particular kind of sexual fantasy that has appeal or interest to you?

Fourth, how comfortable are you with your own body? How do you feel about your partners’ body? Are you self-conscious about odors, sounds, and tastes?

Fifth, are there people in your environment (i.e. children, family, neighbors, etc.) that distract you from sexual activity? Would you prefer to engage in shopping, working, eating, drinking, playing or watching sports, etc. instead of sexual activity?Another question to consider is: What would your reaction be if you were told you could never have sex again?

These are some of the questions that will be explored in therapy to help you establish and understand your own libido. If, in fact, your libido is low, there are strategies that will be utilized to help you change this and increase your interest in sexual activity.

If you want to increase your libido to accommodate your partner’s needs, it can be accomplished; it will take effort and persistence. A healthy sexual desire and interest is one of the qualities of a healthy and fully developed person. It is well worth the effort to attain this goal.

Laura R, Meers, Ph.D.

Consulting Psychologist

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